


Drowned words

by majorinconvenience



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: A lot of descriptions, Anniversary, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, No toxic pregame Saiou on my watch!, Pre-Game Oma Kokichi, Pre-Game Personalities (New Dangan Ronpa V3), Pre-Game Saihara Shuichi, Saiouma Pit White Day Event, Self-Doubt, Shuichi struggles with affection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 05:47:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29945388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/majorinconvenience/pseuds/majorinconvenience
Summary: He wants to ask him if everything is really okay, or what’s on his mind, or anything else – but he’s quiet.Shuichi never knows what to say.
Relationships: Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Comments: 20
Kudos: 67
Collections: Saiouma Pit White Day 2021 Collection, Saiouma Pit White Day 2021 Collection: Day 1: Anniversary/Wedding AND/OR Pre-Game





	Drowned words

**Author's Note:**

> hello!! it feels good to be back!!
> 
> we are currently having a White day/Saiouma day event with absolutely amazing artists and writers, and I couldn't help but write something for it, too! please check out the collection, it's full of quality fics!!
> 
> as always, I'm open to your feedback and criticism. it really helps me understand which direction to take and what to work harder on!! but even if you're just here to vibe with pregame Saiou and fish, it already makes me happy! 
> 
> thank you for deciding to read my fic <3 I hope you like it! (and excuse my poor knowledge of fish species lmao)

The navy-blue light thickens the air like a fog, many shades of it flowing one after another at a low, calming pace. In contrast, fast schools of tiny glowing fish and slow ramps, large and bright fins and quaint colorful seaweed flicker everywhere like Christmas lights. The air is humid but warm, and the muffled sounds of sea waves feel like pleasant music to one’s ears. In this atmosphere, it’s so easy to forget about everything and fall asleep, embracing the cozy sleepiness and silence…

If only Shuichi and Kokichi weren’t running around the tunnels like little children, pressing their cheeks and noses against the glass and exchanging excited comments while watching the underwater creatures and their quiet, contented life.

_Your beautiful purple eyes glow brighter than any light in here._

Shuichi is too busy watching his boyfriend to look around and admire the oceanarium. This magical underwater atmosphere fits Kokichi well – he resembles a small and bright water plant when he’s far away, or flickers back-and-forth in front of Saihara like a fast colorful fish, or jumps on him and pulls him forward like a satisfied shark who just caught its prey. It’s such a rare sight, seeing him openly active and excited like this. Shuichi doesn’t want to miss a single second of it.

“This place is so fun! Did you see that orange fish? It had such big eyes, I’d stare at it all day!” Ouma blabbers unstoppably. “I could never imagine a better place to spend our anniversary date at!”

A warm smile curves Shuichi’s lips. “Well, you always said how much you wanted to go here. I like it a lot, too.”

He keeps noticing how other people give them confused or disgusted looks but tries not to pay attention, fixing his cape to feel safer. The grip of Kokichi’s small warm hand is firm and confident; even if it’s just an act, it’s truly a blessing to see him being so assertive now.

They’ve been dating for a whole year, after all. It’s about time they got bolder and comfortable around each other.

On this exact day, two years ago, they met for the first time. Shuichi found a school bag with a Monokuma charm lost in the middle of a street and, playing the Ultimate Detective, returned it to Kokichi. Countless hours of heated discussions, passionate conversations, after-school meetings, and shy sleepovers brought them closer than they both anticipated. Therefore, on this exact day, one year ago, Shuichi received a small letter with two hearts, one pastel-purple and the other pastel-blue, glued to the envelope with a shy confession inside, written shakily but heartfeltly.

And he happily returned the feelings.

Life has gotten significantly better ever since. 

Shuichi slides his fingers in-between Kokichi’s, earning a soft giggle. _This is the best feeling in the world. There is no other hand he would ever want to hold but his._ With a little scabrous, pale skin that’s so easy to scratch because of how sensitive it is. With self-colored bandages decorating the thin fingers. With the wrist that can almost fit between two of Shuichi’s fingers. With the nails that Shuichi paints himself, clumsily but lovingly. With faint marks from pens and markers or random small drawings on the palm. For Saihara, it’s perfect. If he could, he would never let it go.

He wishes he could tell Kokichi all of this, but words get stuck in his throat as soon as he opens his mouth, and he swallows them back into his tingling heart, hiding his blush under the blue shadow of his cap. For some reason, it’s easy for him to talk for hours about his favorite “Danganronpa” season or explain the entire lore behind a character or an episode, but he can’t force a sound when it comes to saying such important things to the only person he cares about. He never knows the right thing to say. Words never work in his favor.

Whatever. It doesn’t matter that much, does it?

They walk further, and the aquarium corridor gets wider, opening a fantastic view of its beautiful inhabitants and unusual decorations; the other visitors drift away, now completely insignificant and invisible, and this makes the wide space feel emptier. As though Shuichi and Kokichi have been left alone at the bottom of the sea, surrounded by quietness and radiant ripple of fish fins. There is something calming and unbelievably pleasant in this sudden intimacy; more than anything, Saihara wants to press his body closer against his boyfriend’s and close his eyes, savoring the moment, shutting down his fantasies and daydreams, drowning his problems and thoughts in this artificial ocean, feeding them to the sea creatures…

Then, all of a sudden, a large shadow falls upon them, and a deep, lingering sound builds pressure in their ears as if an airplane flies nearby.

“Shuichi, look!” Ouma stops on his heels, pointing his finger at the roof. Shuichi raises his head and gasps.

Right above them, leaving a trace full of tiny glittering bubbles, a big orca slowly swims by, its beautiful slick body glowing in the sapphire light. Kokichi makes a muffled delighted sound and lets go of Shuichi, following the orca further down the tunnel. Saihara, on the other hand, freezes in place and nervously gasps for the salty air. He feels so small and helpless against this huge animal, and this sensation takes his breath away. He hasn’t felt this way in a while.

“It’s beautiful,” he sighs dreamily. The echo of his quiet voice flies across the sea and bumps right into Ouma who is already glued to one of the aquarium walls, watching the orca fade away in the dark-blue underwater haze. Azure glares flow all over his petite silhouette like little gazers. He doesn’t move, his hands glued to his hips and his back stiff and straight, and he doesn’t speak either. In the dark gakuran, he reminds Shuichi of a wooden doll. He must be thinking very deeply about something.

And Shuichi lets him be. For the first time in a while, he looks around, finally admiring the wonders of the oceanarium in their full glory. It’s truly a wonderful, magical place. He has never seen so many peculiar sea creatures. Fish waltz around him, their lush tails looking like ball dresses, and the whole aquarium becomes a grand theater for these well-dressed actors. The silver light makes their scale glitter like camera flashes, and the dark-blue haze in the distance works well as the background decoration. Shuichi smirks to himself. Maybe the ocean is just another big scene with its own silent plays. Maybe even fish have their own killing games. Kokichi would like this idea.

Speaking of Kokichi…

Saihara turns around, searching for his boyfriend. The said boy is still silent and motionless and still resembles a doll. _Weird._ Shuichi makes a few unsure steps towards him, but he doesn’t react in any way. His presence is barely noticeable.

When he gets silent like that, he must be switching back to his usual quiet self. The bubbles orca has left on its way reflect in his big glassy eyes, turning them into two small aquariums of their own – purple and empty. Shuichi’s heart starts aching with worry.

No, Ouma looks completely fine. Still, there is something in his sudden silence that makes Shuichi come closer and carefully, slowly intersect their fingers again.

“Kokichi, is everything okay?”

Kokichi doesn’t move – only turns his pensive gaze to his boyfriend and forces his usual meek smile. Their hands lock together; a small yet strong spark of warmth immediately heats up Shuichi’s palm.

“Of course I’m okay, detective prodigy!” he speaks too cheerfully. “I love this place so much!”

_I know there’s something bothering you. It’s okay, you can trust me. Please tell me what’s wrong so I can help._

An electric eel passes by, and he gets distracted again with the same excitement on his face. Fake sunlight, its tender rays shining teal and celeste, and the big shadow from the fish, looking like an ultramarine cloud, slide down his pale cheeks and smiling lips, play in his dark purple hair, now also blue, and hide in his thick eyelashes. Shuichi realizes once again that he completely forgot where they were, fascinated by Kokichi more than by anything this oceanarium offered. He averts his eyes, glancing at their hands locked together; trying not to distract the other boy, he begins to gently brush his fingers against the warm skin.

They are so close, and it’s so calm in here. It really does feel like they’re hiding somewhere at the sea bottom, away from people and problems, and no one can disturb them anymore.

Finally, Ouma moves. Feeling Shuichi’s touches, he snuggles up to him and rests his head on his sharp shoulder. Saihara’s heart flutters, sending waves of shivers down his body that feel like the bubbles orca left. Through the aquamarine mist, he sees their reflection in the glass: they’re standing so close, holding hands, and it looks delightfully cozy in this underwater getaway. Shuichi tilts his head to place a short kiss on Kokichi’s forehead. He wants to ask him if everything is really okay, or what’s on his mind, or anything else – but he’s quiet.

Shuichi never knows what to say.

And Ouma doesn’t say anything, either. Long minutes of his silence pass; his grip gets firmer, his fingers play with Saihara’s lazily, and that’s all he does. Scarlet koi and ginger clownfish swim by, sending warm and colorful glares into the cold blue air. He catches them on his face like sunlight.

“Shuichi.”

Saihara winces, meeting eyes with Kokichi in their reflection.

“What?”

“Can we…” the shorter boy averts his gaze. “Can we just stay like this? For a little more?”

His faltering voice is quiet and barely audible as if he’s afraid fish can eavesdrop on them. When he sounds like this, Shuichi wants to hug him as tight as he can and protect him from this cruel world.

“Of course we can,” he breathes out. “As long as you want.”

_Your comfort is what matters to me the most. I don’t care about anything else. I’m addicted to you, and I want you to be happy with me just as much as I’m happy with you._

He wishes he could say these things out loud, yet he lets the silence speak for him, and it does, in its unknown language – Kokichi’s thin chapped lips twitch in a shy smile, and his glassy expression finally warmes up. Shuichi hopes that the comfort he gives him is enough to make him feel better because the way silence talks for him is something he can never understand right. He can only guess.

He's never good with words, after all.

And so they stay like this for a little more, two silhouettes at the bottom of the sea, hand-in-hand. They watch the underwater creatures while holding their breath. People walk past them. They keep silent. It’s all that matters.

The world around Shuichi never makes any sense and never has any meaning. People are never there, they’re more like ghosts, single blows of wind, ready to vanish and be forgotten any moment. Most of them are nothing but echoes from some entirely different world, reaching through an invisible wall built by the boy’s wild imagination. One moment there’s someone near, the next moment they’re gone, and the world moves on while he stays in the same spot, motionless.

Kokichi is the only one who helped Saihara return into this constantly changing world and made it real, sensible, believable. With him around, he never feels lonely. When they’re together, Shuichi doesn’t need to fantasize or hide inside a fictional universe because reality becomes a safe place for him.

He wishes he could tell Kokichi about all of it. But he doesn’t dare. What if it’s scary to hear how much Saihara has fallen for him? What if it’s too overwhelming or creepy?

_He doesn’t dare._

So they keep silent, gently playing with each other’s fingers and staring at the fish. The world keeps moving without them.

“Shuichi,” Ouma’s voice gets even quieter than before, becomes a faint whisper, an almost soundless movement of his chapped lips. “Can I ask you something weird?”

Shuichi squeezes his small hand tighter. “Sure. You…” he clears his throat, “you can ask me anything, Kokichi.”

_You’re never weird to me. I love you._

Their eyes meet again in the reflection, now both colored aquamarine and both worried, serious. It feels like something important is about to happen, and as much as Saihara knows he doesn’t possess a real detective intuition, he can tell this moment is going to be vital somehow. Hundreds of guesses fill his panicking mind like a stream of water from a broken aquarium. The shorter body pressed against his gets tenser and stiffer.

“I’m not… boring, right?” Kokichi mutters.

Shuichi’s heart drops.

“Huh?”

He feels like he was put underwater because all sounds get muffled and his vision gets blurry. His head hums and spins under the sudden pressure, lungs are filled with salty water, breath hitches and stops. Ouma’s large sad eyes stare at him from the other side and he panics, wants to pull his cap down until his whole face is hidden, suffocates.

_No. You’re not boring at all. You’re the most precious person in my life. Please don’t say these things about yourself._

“It’s been so long,” a short sigh tickles his neck. “And no one has ever stayed with me for so long. I know it’s our anniversary and I’m not supposed to think about these things, but I can’t help it…”

_I want to stay with you forever. I never want to leave you. How could you think I ever would?_

Bandaged fingers gently brush against his. “You know, I’m ready for the truth. You don’t have to lie. You’re… you’re very, _very_ important to me, Shu, and the last thing I want to do is to keep you bored and unsatisfied.”

Paralyzed, Shuichi listens to him chuckle bitterly and whisper with even more sadness in his quiet voice. The nickname brings tears to his eyes.

_No. You’re very important to me too, I wish I could give you enough, I wish I knew what to say, I wish, I wish–_

Saihara notices his own face change too, now looking as tense and serious as his boyfriend’s. His chapped lips are parted, ready to say something, _anything,_ but words of love and affection he wants to let out so badly are still stuck in his sore throat. The back of his shirt gets wet from sweat. The oceanarium feels too hot and small.

His mind anxiously starts picturing a better scenario – the one where he can talk freely about anything he thinks, where Kokichi’s happy smile never leaves his face, and they exchange wonderful vows worth of the wedding ones every day casually, showering each other with kisses and compliments. He almost lets himself indulge in this fantasy, but Kokichi’s faltering voice snaps him out of it.

“You’re quiet… It’s okay. I understand.” Another sad chuckle. “I just wanted to let you know that whatever your decision is, I won’t change my mind about you. I’ve only ever felt happy when we were together. You’ve always been kind and understanding with me…” Ouma hides his face into the crook of his boyfriend’s neck, and it’s such a sweet, gentle gesture that Shuichi shivers, squeezing his hand even tighter. “You’re… adorably shy, childishly imaginative, smart, persistent… You have the prettiest eyes and the cutest smile.”

His face looks dark and determined even in this deep azure haze. It’s rare that he speaks up like that, but what’s even rarer is the fact that he talks about how he feels.

_And Shuichi can’t even do the same in return._ His chest begins to hurt. He wants Kokichi to stop or to tell him it was all a lie, but Kokichi continues. His voice sounds less scared and more confident, warm, tender; each sound of it now cuts and pricks Shuichi’s already bleeding heart.

“You make me feel safe in this shitty world. You make me feel understood and _real_. And I… I really cherish that, Shu. I’ve never been more euphoric and satisfied than in the last two years I spent with you. I’m sorry I don’t say this too often.”

A meek smile curves his lips in the reflection. “You’re such an amazing person. I don’t think I deserve you at all.”

_You do._

Shuichi is ready to tear his chest apart. Why can’t he say anything?!

“I know I’m nothing interesting,”

_You are interesting._

“I always dream and talk big but never do anything,”

_You are capable of amazing things._

Kokichi backs away a little, finding Shuichi’s lost, anxious gaze with his own, and lets him drown in his always curious, innocent eyes. Dozens of electric signals run through the taller boy’s body as if he becomes that eel they saw in the aquarium not so long ago.

“And I–”

_“No. That’s wrong!”_

Saihara winces from his own outburst, and Kokichi flinches, too.

It happens suddenly and unexpectedly. In a blink of an eye, all air escapes his lungs in a large, strong wave, finally letting everything he’s been bottling up pour out of him. His heart, his chest, his mouth – all of it feels loose. The oceanarium walls break open and drown everything in the salty dark-blue water. Each and every obstacle is washed away now.

Shuichi desperately grabs his boyfriend by his shoulders, wide-eyed and blushing from overwhelming feelings pumping through his burning veins.

“Kokichi, why did you even think that?” he breathes out huskily. “It’s our anniversary, and we’re spending it together because that’s how we always want to be, right? Everything you said about yourself… is simply not true.”

He watches with relief how Kokichi’s eyes widen, a dark-blue veil of disbelief slowly melting in something more trusting and loving, with worried yet excited anticipation. His hand, moving on its own, cups the shorter boy’s round cheek, and this touch refills Shuichi’s emptied heart with so much love that it starts racing even faster than before.

“Kichi…” saying this nickname feels lovely. “I’m so sorry I kept quiet about my feelings. I… I feel the same way towards you! I really do! Ever since we met, there hasn’t been a day you didn’t make me happy. When I’m with you… Oh, how do I even explain it?”

Words pour out of his mouth on their own, more colorful than any sea creature they saw today. He sees his own reflection again, this time in big purple eyes in front of him, and makes out his own loving, tender smile glowing in them.

“When I’m with you, I don’t really have to… _dream_ or fantasize, or anything like that. You fulfill my every wish by simply being around. And I feel like I’m right here, in this world, but at the same time… The world _itself_ feels different, like I made it up, but it’s real, and I am me, and you are you, and it still feels good. I-it feels like I belong here. Like _we_ belong here.”

He clears his throat a little awkwardly. It’s been so long since he talked so much about his feelings. His chest feels empty and free, but his heart feels pleasingly heavy from the fondness and adoration it’s flooded by.

“Sorry,” he chuckles and fixes his cape. “I didn’t make any sense, did I? I’m not really good at this, I never know what to say or how to tell you everything as it is…”

A small bandaged finger lands on his half-opened mouth, pressing lightly to make it close. Shuichi blinks in surprise; he notices how Kokichi’s lips twitch in a coy smile, and, strangely enough, it helps him calm down.

“For me,” the shorter boy whispers affectionately, “you always make sense. You always say the right things, Shu.”

His always tired face lights up brighter than any underwater decoration in this whole place. Saihara freezes, his eyes still wide, and stares shamelessly at his boyfriend, feeling the blood boil his cheeks and a fire burning in his chest. Everything is so intense, so vibrant, and so happy that for a split second, he gets scared it’s just another one of his fantasies. He blinks, brushes his finger against Ouma’s cheek, takes a deep breath – no matter what he does, nothing shatters and nothing fades away. They’re _here_ , in this boring, dull world, making it colorful and joyful for each other.

_And Shuichi has so much to say._ He doesn’t hold back.

They lose track of time, whispering sweet, important words and staring into each other’s eyes, full of love, while people walk by and schools of fish flicker behind them. Everything they kept to themselves gets revealed and uncovered at the bottom of the deep blue sea - it feels miraculously intimate.

Who would’ve thought Shuichi would ever cherish his real-life feelings and memories so much?

When they finally run out of things to say, out of breath like two exhausted sprinters after a competition, Kokichi returns to his excited self and finally drags Shuichi further down the corridor.

“Let’s find that orca, Shu!” he smiles widely, and this smile, along with his genuinely happy voice, echoes in the other’s fluttering heart. “I wanna look at it again! It reminded me of you for some reason.”

“It did?” Shuichi snorts, blushing. “Is this how giant tall people look in your eyes?”

He receives a light bump in his stomach. “Joke about my height again, and I’ll break up with you.”

“Oh, will you now?”

“You don't wanna find out...”

They laugh loudly, not paying attention to the visible annoyance of other visitors. The colors around them slowly change to shades of purple, and so does the shape of the tunnel, opening a fantastic panoramic view of the bigger sea creatures. To Kokichi’s delight, they find the orca among them and spend some more time admiring the aquarium.

Violet lights paint the humid air. Orcas, sharks, whales, and other peculiar inhabitants of the oceanarium swim around slowly with a calm humming as if they’re singing a simple low-pitched lullaby. The muffled sounds of sea waves accompany them. In this atmosphere, it’s so easy to forget about everything and give in to the moment, drown in the tender emotions and small but loving touches, let the silence speak and understand every word it says.

For the first time in a while, _everything_ in this world feels right, and Shuichi wants to keep it that way forever and ever. All he has to do is never let go of his beloved’s hand and speak up more - such an easy recipe for his happiness in this complex, sorrowful reality.

Suddenly, Kokichi chuckles. “You know what I just realized, Shu?”

Shuichi finds his smiling face just below himself, cheek grinding against the sleeve of his old black jacket. Even in this purple lighting, his eyes shine the brightest.

“What?”

“We haven’t mentioned “Danganronpa” at all today.”


End file.
